Father's absence. Absent father

Father's absence. Absent father

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Dad is not there but he exists. Perhaps you travel often or work long hours or live in another home or in another country; or left without showing signs of life. Perhaps he is a man little valued by the child's mother or by society. In some cases, the father is unknown, in others it has been a temporary relationship of the mother. And then there are also those children who no longer have their father alive.

A father can be absent in the lives of the children, in different ways. But the absence of the father is not the same as nonexistence. A child is always the product of a man and a woman, even if one of them is absent, missing or dead. The fantasy of a self-pregnant woman, firstly corresponds to a non-acceptance of the man's contribution and secondly - and as a consequence of the above - a distortion of reality is generated that is harmful to the child's mental structure (that is, of a potential man or woman).

No child can be said "you have no father", because that distorts the nature of things.

1. In families where the father is absent frequently, but lives with the family: "Your father is not at home but he is present in my head and in my heart, therefore I speak to you taking into account what he thinks. When he returns you will see that they are not my whims".

2. After a divorce: "Even if your father is no longer my husband, his words regarding your education continue to have weight for me" or "your father and I think about this issue in a very different way, I give you my opinion and you will also listen to his ". If the versions of both parents are irreconcilable, a neutral third party will be used. It causes mental damage to a child to tell him "your father doesn't count, you only have me", that in any case will be decided by another responsible adult (a judge, for example).

3. If the father has died: "Your dad's words and ideas are still alive for us, I remember the things that were important to him as a father."

4. When the father is unknown: "You have a father, otherwise you would not have been able to be born, but he only participated in your pregnancy" or depending on the case "I knew that your father was not going to live with us, but I chose to have you and raise you despite that." What should be taken as a rule is that a child should never feel that he is the property of his mother or father, when it is the mother who disappears from his life. Nobody can tell you "I am your owner, I do what I want with you".

A mother, no matter how much contempt and resentment she may have towards the father of her child, has no right to exclude his existence. He may be an alcoholic, a criminal or whatever, but he is the father who has or who had, and is part of that child's history. Being a mother is accepting that the child is also the son of a father.

You can read more articles similar to Father's absence. Absent father, in the category of Being mothers and fathers on site.

Video: The Devastating Effects of Emotionally Unavailable Fathers (December 2022).